How to Talk about Sex in Sex

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It's important for partners to talk about sex beforehand.

It's the only way to make sure you'll both be comfortable with what happens and stay safe.

If you're worried or upset about something sexual, it's a good idea to talk about how you feel with someone else you trust.

Won't talk spoil the 'mood'?

Not at all! Here's why:

  • it'll help you know if you can trust and respect each other
  • you can sort out what you do and don't want to happen and avoid any awkward moments
  • you can agree how you'll have safer sex and make sure you have protection available if you need it

Any 'mood' that won't stand up to a bit of conversation isn't strong enough to make it worth having sex.

And last but not least, lots of partners find talking about sex together can be a major turn-on!

What if they won't talk or it feels too weird?

It can be awkward getting started, but if you feel strongly for each other this won't last long.

If you can't handle talking to each other about sex, it's a major sign you're not ready for sex.

What should partners talk about?

Before you try to have sex together:

  • talk about safer sex and using protection
  • discuss what you'd both like to do
  • be clear about anything you don't want to do
  • talk about any worries or concerns

What if something bad happened and I want to talk about it?

If you've been made to do something sexually you're not happy with, it's important to talk to someone. It doesn't matter when it happened - it could be years ago or just today.

You might have been physically forced into something or verbally threatened.

If this is the case, you should call Childline on 0800 1111 and speak to one of their advisors. They will help you work through what happened and decide what to do next.

What if something went wrong?

If you've had an accident like a burst condom or had unsafe sex, you could have picked up a sexually transmitted infection.

If you're a girl who's had unsafe sex with a boy or man, you could also be pregnant.

Go along to your nearest sexual health clinic or speak to your doctor.

They'll be able to give you tests to make sure you're okay. Unless they think you're in some kind of immediate danger, anything you tell them will be kept private.

If you're a girl, you can get emergency contraception that can help prevent pregnancy up to 72 hours after you had unsafe sex. However, the sooner you take it, the more likely it is to work.